I have been sicker than a dog since Tuesday night. Frank cringes whenever I use that expression, by the way. He told me, “Yeah, when’s the last time you saw me hunched over a big, white porcelain thing, eh? Like never!” He wasn’t very happy that I pooh-poohed his suggested remedy, either, which was, “Go outside and eat some grass!”
My stomach has been giving me fits. Haven’t been able to hold anything inside me for the last couple of days. Managed some chicken soup yesterday and then again today, but that was it. The other horrible feeling I’ve had is one of “timelessness” … hard to describe exactly what that is except that I lose track of the amount of time that’s gone by.
Wednesday, I got out of bed around 4:30 am, 10:00 am and 3:00 pm. Each time, I was up for about 20-30 minutes before getting back under the covers. And each time I went back to bed, I couldn’t get comfortable, having alternating sweats and chills. When I finally got back up again, I was certain that I had been out for more than a day. It was dark outside and I felt totally disoriented. When I powered up the laptop, I discovered only five hours had elapsed – it was around 8:30pm!
Had I woken up this morning feeling as bad as I had the last two days, you might have seen me chowing down on a big helping of bermuda grass, with a side of fescue! I feel much better this morning, thankfully though.
I don’t think it was a virus. I’ve experienced this before. It was my anxiety kicking in,big time. First, there was the issue with being unsuccessful at finding an affordable way to power the cpap when I was at a campsite without power hookups. That was anxiety-provoking to begin with. Then, the money from my IRA arrived in my account on Tuesday. I think that added a certain dimension of reality to my plans, putting me over the edge. Even though I’ve been taking concrete steps in my preparation over the last month … coming up with supply lists, making reservations, applying for social security, etc. … seeing the money arrive in the account was different. It more or less meant that I’m in “full go” mode now. And I think my subconscious fears took over.
I’ve always been a creature of habit. I don’t like flying by the seat of my pants. I don’t do well with “change”. I deal with it, but it takes a lot of gearing up, mentally. And while I haven’t taken this decision to go “on the road” lightly, I know it’s something where the impact won’t fully hit until I’ve shut the door to my apartment for the last time and I’m headed off to Georgia with Frank strapped in the back seat, with all our worldly possessions making the trip with us! I wish I felt that this was more of an “adventure” (as so many of my fellow vagabond bloggers have expressed in their writings). But I don’t. I see it as survival. Maybe I need to adjust my thinking on that.
Anyhow, I made deposits on the final few hotels and campsites this morning, so everything is now fully confirmed through mid-March of next year. This afternoon, I’m going to make a list of the things I need checked out on the car so I can get a full cost estimate. I plan on bringing it in sometime next week to have that done. After that, I need to see about some training classes for Frank so he’s better on the leash and will follow basic commands. (He’s chuckling under his breath right now.)
I was able to put my mind at ease about the cpap “issue”, too. I called a couple of campsites up north and asked what they did for people who used cpaps. Both said that they’ve hosted campers who’ve brought battery packs, and that they’ve recharged the batteries for them using power outlets in the office. So I guess all I need to do is buy a new cpap along with a battery pack and I’m good to go. I can then ditch the generator I was planning on getting. The cost difference will be about $350, but I guess that’s worth it for the peace of mind. I’m also going to hold off buying them for the time being. My current cpap works fine and will see me through for a while … and it looks like there are plenty of cpaps available on craigslist up and down the east coast. I don’t need a prescription for the battery pack either, and can have one delivered to me on the road when the need arises. So for the moment, that’s one less thing I have to worry about.
So, back in action then.